Review: Equip’s Parent Course

Discussing gender and sexuality with children is a hot topic in our society, and one that deserves attention as our families and churches are navigating modern times. I have been following Pieter Valk and his organization, Equip for a while, and have so much respect for him and his ministry. So I was honored when Amber, the Vice President of Impact and Parent Resources, reached out about reviewing their Parent Course.

Equip is tackling a topic the Church has simply put a Band-Aid on, when it really needs to be doing heart surgery. Equip’s Parent Course dives into the doctrine of a historic Christian sexual ethic. Sadly, I have seen alot of Christians default to sex-and-marriage focused teachings and/or pray-the-gay-away theology, without having really reflected on the theology they are proclaiming. I think this curriculum is a perfect fit for churches that want to grow out of that theology, but aren’t sure where to start. Equip’s Parent Course challenges parents to really think and rethink their thoughts on sexuality and sexual stewardship.

What I Love:

I first want to state that I could never, in good conscience review a curriculum on gender and sexuality that did not have the contribution of members of the LGBTQ+ community. This is a topic that influences the lived experience of real people.

Gay teens in Christian homes have a higher rate of attempting or dying
by suicide than any other subgroup of gay teens.
This is an absolute tragedy and one
we should lament deeply. It’s so important that we speak with care and compassion
surrounding sexuality.

We must do better! 

Equip’s Parent Course is calling to us to do better. This course is presented by Amber, the Vice President of Impact and Parent Resources at Equip, but was developed by a team that included members of the LGBTQ+ community. This is unique among Christian resources. Equip does hold to a historic Christian sexual ethic.

Equip is the premier consulting and training solution for churches aspiring to be places where gay Christians thrive for a lifetime according to a historic sexual ethic.

However, after reviewing this curriculum, I feel like there is a lot of really good wisdom those who hold to an affirming theology can glean as well.

I particularly appreciate that this course opens by affirming that LGBTQ+ people are made in the image of God. That can never be taken away from them, regardless of how they steward their gender and sexuality. We, as human beings, are image bearers. This is something we must keep in mind when discussing this topic. This effects the lives of actual people, made in the image of God. God loves and values LGBTQ+ people and the gifts, talents, and fellowship they bring to our communities. He wants to use them for his glory.

I also love that this course speaks out against reparative therapy. We need to talk about this! There are so many churches that still support reparative therapy, despite the overwhelming research that it causes harm, and can lead to suicide.

  Gay people can be Christian. This is not mutually exclusive. Even if a gay Christian does not hold to a historic Christian sexual ethic, this does not remove them from God’s love, care, and grace.  This course, written from an embrace of a historic sexual ethic, encourages us to recognize that we all have sexual brokness and sin in our lives. Just because our sexual brokeness happens to be ‘straight’ doesn’t make it any better. We all are in need of God’s grace.

Equip challenges us to stop holding LGBTQ+ Christians to a double standard. Part of relinquishing this double standard is dismantling the idol of romance and sex in the church.  Regardless of where we fall on the theological spectrum, I think we all have to admit that this obsession with sex and romance has harmed the church. It has created the prosperity Gospel of purity culture, which many of us are still healing from. It has marginalized singles, leaving them without family and community. I would also add that it leaves non-conventional families without a place of belonging.  This umbrella includes children raised by grandparents… children in group homes and foster care…open adoptions…blended families…chosen family made of friends…. and more. Equip’s Parent Course encourages families to shift the way we see family, and the way we practice family in the kingdom of God, offering scripts, theology, and Biblical basis for parents as they guide their families in seeking God’s wisdom.

Equip guides parents in understanding vocational singleness and Christian marriage through a historic Christian lens. It encourages us to reframe the idea that marriage is where we are all headed.  We all must start seeking God for which relational vocation we are called to. Are we called to be engaged in Christian marriage for the sake of the Kingdom? Or are we called to singleness for the sake of the Kingdom? And regardless, we must start living family differently for the sake of the Kingdom. Inviting those on the margins into our families.

I feel like there is a lot of wisdom in this. Guiding our children to ask God where they are called. Seeking, if they feel called to enter in marriage and partnership for the sake of the Kingdom. Or instead are they called to be the ‘Bride of Christ,’ committed solely to the great purpose of bringing the Kingdom of God to earth. It consistently affirms that our children are made whole in Christ, not in marriage. We each individually reflect God by ourselves, not by being joined in marriage. I think this is an important message, because girls are consistently taught the opposite, both by church and society. Something unique about this curriculum is it asks parents to recognize the challenges society has placed on women in the US. Women are frequently advised to delay starting a family if they want to have a career. And when mothers work outside the home, they often are still responsible for the majority of childcare and housework. This is an inequity that needs to be challenged and changed. But at the same time a reality many women are living and must be acknowledged as we guide our children in discerning their relational vocation. Whether our children feel lead to marriage or vocational singleness, my hope is that we can change these issues so that marriage and family is equitable across genders.

Stories of gay Christians are included in the notes section of this course. I would have loved if they included some of these in the videos, as i know not everyone reads the notes, and these stories are too important not to read. This course consistently rebukes homophobia in the church, affirms gay Christians, and equips the Church and families to better support and love gay people in our communities, especially those in our churches who hold to a historic Christian sexual ethic.

In regards to their section on transgender identity, I did love that they acknowledged the complicity the church has had in over prescribing gender roles and limiting the ways men and women can reflect God. I also love that even though this curriculum still holds to a historic Christian sexual ethic it affirms that transgender people, even those that have medically transitioned bear God’s image and reflect God’s goodness in the world.

They addressed the churches’ call to care for and protect those on the margins, including transgender people. From the course:

While science hasn’t proven that transition is the answer to suicide risk for trans* people,
science is confident that the social stress and rejection trans* people experience as minorities
increases their risk of depression and suicide. Tragically, this minority stress can be multiplied
in churches where overt and accidental transphobic attitudes persist. So while
evidence-based interventions of therapy, exercise, medication, and social support are most
effective on an individual level, Christians can simultaneously work to reduce societal
discrimination and harassment of trans* people. To reduce suicide risk for trans* people on a
societal level, Christians must imitate Christ by protecting those on the margins from harm.

By in large this is something I think the church really needs to recognize and repent of.  Our orthopraxy and idealization of manhood, womanhood, and the nuclear family has left people outcast and on the margins. At the risk of sounding dramatic, it’s literally inviting death into the world. Increasing the rates of suicide, especially among LGBTQ+ youth, because we have lacked compassion, care, and concern. Our theological frameworks are very personal, and we are all on our own journey. However, we must all agree when we discover our orthodoxy has lead to an orthopraxy that leads to death, we should reexamine. This does not have to mean relinquishing a historic Christian sexual ethic. The team that created this course is evidence of that. However, we must reevaluate the ways we are treating our neighbors (especially those within the body of Christ).

Finally, something this course affirms and I also agree with, is this is not a salvation issue. We are saved by grace, not through works, even the work of how we steward our gender and sexuality. This is an important thing to remember in this conversation. Is it important to really examine what we think and believe around this? Of course! But it is not the end all be all of our salvation. That is only found in the death and resurrection of Christ.

Things I’d change

Before we launch into this section, I want to address, I did share all of these concerns with Amber in a private e-mail, and she was so compassionate and gracious in her answers. I think that says so much about her character and the leadership of Equip.

The first thing I think could be done a little better is having the voices of LGBTQ+ people centered in this course. The whole course is lead by Amber, which is great and I think she has a lot of wisdom, and consistently speaks with compassion and empathy. However, when we are creating resources that impacts the lived experience of people on the margins, it is exponentially important to center their voices. Amber has reassured me that these voices were a large part of the team that created this resource.  However, I also think it’s helpful to ‘show your work’ so to speak. This is done a bit by sharing the stories of LGB Christians in the notes section, but again, I don’t have faith every person, or group leader will utilize the notes, but these stories are maybe the most important part of this work. Though all of the information Amber shares is exactly what I have been hearing side B affiriming gay Christians say, I think it could be helpful to have more representation on the videos as a whole, as well as in their section on gender incongruence.

This brings me to my second thought on improvement. Their section on gender incongruence I did feel lacked a little. This may be due to my own opinion that we as a society need more research on this topic, so that we can truly help people thrive. We know that there can be variances creating intersex in body and chromosomes. We don’t know to what other parts that may extend, and I think research could lead to more compassion for transgender members of our communities. I also wish there was a little bit more representation shown in this section. At least in the section on sexuality, we heard the voice of sexual minorities in the notes discussing same sex attraction. However, in the gender incongruence there wasn’t any of this. I have been assured there was people on the team with experience with gender incongruence, but again, when we are discussing topics like this I think it’s important to be aware of the voices we center.

Final Thoughts

All in all, I have so much respect for Pieter, Amber, and Equip’s work. This course and Equip as a whole is leading the church in rethinking our theology around gender and sexuality, and reimagining family in the kingdom of God.

I think this course is perfect for churches desiring to grow out out ‘pray-the-gay-away’ theology into a more holistic theology and care for sexual minorities in our churches.

If Equip: Parent Course seems like it would be a good fit for your community, you can use the code BabyDevo10 for a 10% discount.

Additional Reading

Maybe you are new to the conversation around the LGBTQ+ Community and the church. If so, I highly recommend these resources:

–Heavy Burdens: Seven Ways LGBTQ Christians Experience Harm in the Church (Amazon affiliate link)

Unbelievable Podcast: Gay Christians, God, and the Church